Thursday, September 30, 2010


In attempts to keep our baby name a secret until his birth, the very opposite has happened. First it slipped with some friends, because one very lovely Polish girl got very nosey when she came to visit. I said to her, "I can't tell you because you will probably accidentally write on facebook, 'how is little.......doing?' and I accidentally actually said his name out loud to her. Then it slipped, well maybe not slipped my lips but rather slipped my mind that I should not be telling my parents without Christoph present. Then it slipped his mind when we were eating lunch with his parents, and his response to my "Hey what are doing!" was "Well, you told your parents." Then we had to tell my brother and his wife of coarse, which led to us having to tell all of the rest of the Gruener family realizing that our need to be fair in this situation overcame the fact that his name will no longer be a secret.
I am normally very good in keeping secrets, especially other peoples, but when it comes to my secrets well I think I have the right to tell my own secrets I guess. I need to work on that.

A series of unfortunate events just occured in the past couple days. One, my brother and his wife( my very own little piece of America) left me from visiting in Germany for a couple days. Two, I am now sick in bed after I just had the longest "conversation" with my husband about how I need to set some actual goals for this year and get my butt in gear instead of playing sad little prego house wife. I agreed in a my stubborn little way and was fully prepared to get out there and make some genuine goals. Here are some of them.

1. Finish my stupid book that I never seem to want to finish.
2. Get out of the house a little bit and hang out with people.
3. Read a lot of books
4. Practice my German for 2 hours a day
5. Translate, read and understand a German book. I started that one yesterday and so far this orphan kid has found a carrot in his soup. It takes longer than I thought to read a book in a different language.
6. Practice a lot more piano
7. Work out.....I hate this one right now

I have many other ideas as to what I should be doing, but actually doing them has proven to be a bit more difficult. You see, when a little human is growing inside of you it has a side affect called....emotional laziness. That comes with emotional breakdowns, emotional fights, emotional complaining, emotional eating, emotional rationalizations. I am basically an emotional nutcase. There's nothing I can really do about it though. I just wished my mother would have warned me.

As to an update on what is happening with our finding a needle in a haystack of a building for our kitchen business, I will give you the lowdown. As I am writing this very phrase, Christoph is in a meeting with the "chief" of Germany's Bultaup representatives. Meaning....We will find out in the very near future if we get this building or whether it is suitable or not, and when the store will open. This was a bitter sweet realization. Bitter being, if all goes well that means America is years down the road if ever, and sweet because I know God is in control and it feels pretty good to trust Him with our future. The verdict is in.

This is just one small part in Hillary Gruener learning how to live and let go. There are some old jars I have held onto a little past their due date, but I'm ready to buy the new jars. Now it's just a matter of picking out the new jars. That made sense in my mind.

3 more months!! 3 more months and this baby inside of me will pop out like a champagne cork on new years eve and a great many things will happen from there. I am counting down the days.

Oh and you're probably wondering why I put a picture of a goat on here. It's only that I love goats and I think you should too. If I had to give birth to an animal I would want it to be a goat. But it's better that humans give birth to humans.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Just another day

Looks like I brought my bad accident streak to Germany with me. Since I've been eighteen or so I have been in 4 car accidents, 2 of which I wasn't even in the car. One was in a round-a-bout....I could poop on round-a-bouts I hate them so much. One was a silly 16 yr old girl who ran a stop sign and t-boned me which still remains the worst one. And the final little dilly dally was yesterday of coarse when Christoph was out of town, in downtown Gerstetten. When I say downtown Gerstetten, I mean a 200 foot stretch with a couple stores along the way. This little village is where Christoph grew up, and all five minutes I was there, someone sought out my exact car just to hit. All I wanted to do was get some money so I could get some delicious bread and go home to make myself a delicious sandwich. This is what happened instead.

I parked rather close behind some car,thinking maybe I should back off a little, but I was in too big of a hurry to go to the bank that I shrugged it off and continued on my way. Gerstetten is such a small town, that I happened to call my sister-in-law to ask her where the bank was. She told me she was actually just around the corner, so we met up and she drove her car up to mine so we could leave together to find the bank. You would think I could find a bank in such a small town. As I am walking up to my car this man starts talking to me in a really thick Swabian accent (This could be compared to a really thick southern accent but the German version). I've never been a fan of strange people coming up to me and talking to me for many reasons and I think you already know that. I am a magnet for that though, and obviously this guy I couldn't avoid. He was a larger man with white hair, tiny little glasses and wore a flannel red shirt with blue jeans. I could at least understood the part where he asked me if this car belonged to me and I couldn't help but notice that part of his teeth were gone. That would later on distract me from understanding at all what he was saying. I answered "yes that's my car", and he pointed his thick farmer finger in the direction of the front of my car and I followed it with a deep pit forming in my stomach. Did I do that? I can't understand this guy! Oh no, Christoph will be so mad at me, I thought to myself. But as I listened carefully I came to the realization that hillbilly man hit me, and all that had its last breath was our license plate. He picked it up off the ground, still talking, me in my own little world as he was trying his hardest to bend the plate to it's original shape and obviously failing. My sister-in-law pulled up a second later and helped me in communicating with this guy, having a hard time herself understanding him. He was most likely one of these German guys who has never left the general area in his entire life. He was very nice though and of coarse offered to pay for the damages which was probably a total of 10 Euros. Turns out he ended up living across the street from the Gruener business, but the Grueners had never even met him before. Small world.

This then lead to me hanging out with my sister in law the whole day having a great time while my car got fixed. Turned out to be a good day, and I finished it off with a couple episodes of Leave it to Beaver then went to bed. Thankfully the last night without Christoph.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Swaddling practice

Who knew there would be so much to say on swaddling, swaying, sucking, ssshhhing, and side laying. I have been reading this book, "Happiest baby on the block" and I'm sure if you're an American who is having a baby you know exactly what I am talking about. This book is great for a couple reasons which you can find in pages 190-192, and the rest is just repeating itself. Actually the whole book is pretty good, but I could have done without the five time repeated explanation that baby's need another 4th trimester etc.
Upon learning the many techniques of swaddling, I decided to give it a go and try swaddling none other than my very own husband. It took convincing but he finally agreed to it. Even though it was hilarious and I haven't laughed so hard in awhile, I think wrapping a baby is a bit different. I am going to have to get a baby doll to practice with on account that my cat would NOT sit still.

Apart from swaddling there is so much to learn about baby's, and mastering them comes with practice. But there is one thing that I have already mastered and that is loving him with all my heart. I know for a fact that I am already head over heels for our little guy, and that there is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for him. I of coarse already feel that for my husband, but I surely can't roll him up in a ball and cuddle him every minute of every day. That would be unhealthy in so many ways. But that's what's so great when you have babies. They are completely helpless without their mom and dad, and I have complete joy in knowing I can be there for him. I just keep imagining that first day when we bring him home, and how it will be. I'm sure I will never forget that day.

This summer has been absolutely unpredictable and amazing all at the same time. Unpredictable because I am a very unpredictable person that pregnancy makes even more unpredictable. Amazing because getting closer to having our baby grows us closer together as husband and wife. My husband has been the most wonderful and helpful man in the days that have past, and I definitely couldn't have done this without him. From letting me swaddle him to hearing me complain about how fat I am every day, I would say men like this deserve some reward or something. Dealing with a pregnant woman can drive someone crazy, and I know because I drive myself crazy. At the beginning of my pregnancy I hadn't yet felt any nauciousness or emotional instability and I thought to myself, "Maybe I will be an acception and not have all of the symptoms a normal woman has. Low and behold with my hormonal imbalanced history God knew that would never be the case and a week later I was on the journey to crazy land. Poor Christoph.

As I have heard a billion times before, the second trimester exceeds the first trimester in many ways. I find this to be true. No more sickness, super power smelling, inability to eat, emotional outbursts, "poofyiness" as Christoph calls it. Yes, one day he said to me, "You don't look as poofy any more in the second trimester." Oh thanks love, I said as I held in my laugh. I would have normally been hurt by something like this, but the fact that he said poofy made think of myself as a freshly dry load of laundry and I let it slide. Poofy. Ha.

As a matter of fact as a pregnant woman, feeling poofy is nothing but normal in an everyday thought process. You wake up, you feel poofy, you eat...poofy. You take a shower...poofy. I don't think there has ever been a time where I haven't felt poofy. Then my next thought is..."There's nothing I can really do about, so just don't think about it." And that's all there is to pregnancy. Poofiness.

I know I am only talking about babies and pregnancy, but the truth is that's my life right now. Other than two days at the office, a hair cut here and there, I would say it's kinda how it has to be right now. I am ok with it too. I don't think I have ever been happier. The smell of fall in the air remind me that I am only getting closer to getting little Hillstoph our of my body and having his own. My brother and his wife are coming in a couple weeks, then we go to the states, then Christmas will be just around the corner, and then the baby will come. Oh boy. But for today there is the sad fact that Christoph is leaving me for a couple days for a managment training in the mountains. I hate being alone, but that's probably because I am alone most everyday. I am trying to enjoy it before I'll never get to be alone.

Hopefullly that was somewhat of an update.