Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Even though we ain't got money


Thank goodness for tortilla chips. I think if I had to be on a gluten free diet without having the pleasure of indulging in a bag of tortilla chips every week, then I would probably...well, I would just be mad. The food I most missed while living oversees.

Our wonderful family from Germany visited a couple of weeks ago. During their stay I realized how utterly awful it is to have to choose where you live when one side of your family is from a different part of the world. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. If you can, don't fall in love with a charming, good-looking German. It's dangerous, yet totally worth it.
That being said their stay here was of coarse bitter sweet with activities arranging anywhere from fishing, playing card games, and being with one another trying not to think of the fact that they would indeed have to leave again. It's a sticky situation, and there is quite frankly nothing good about it. Thankfully God knows what's best in our lives and inquiring as to how it could be different is just downright irrational. That still doesn't stop one in times of the blues.

Blue is just how I've been feeling lately. Feeling blue was different when I didn't have a child at my side at all times. I was previously able to wallow in self pity while shoving two pints of ice cream down my gutter. I just simply can't behave like that anymore. Not only because I am leading by example as a parent, and if little Elliott saw his mother doing such things it could later produce some serious ice cream phobia's. But also because, I dunno. You want to be and do the best for you child at all times, even if that means putting your emotions to the back burner once in awhile. I wouldn't call it faking it, but rather wearing a beautiful mask while attempting to withhold a giant pimple on your forehead. One thing I know for certain is that Elliott has this amazing ability to cheer you up by just being himself. That smile will light up your heart in an instant.

I was wandering around in Safeway the other day, like I usually do tired, dazed, confused on whether I want to continue this couponing spree I have been on. It seems as though I am saving money on things I don't need. Just as I arrived to the apple sauce isle I realized I did not even have the coupon in which I could have saved one whole dollar on something I actually needed. Frustrated I sort of tuned out while a very familiar song provoked my attention. The song was by Kenny Loggins and Jim Messina, Danny's Song. If you haven't heard the song, it goes like this.

People smile and tell me I'm the lucky one,
And we've only just begun.
Think I'm gonna have a son.
He will be like she and me, as free as a dove,
Conceived in love.
Sun is gonna shine above.
And even though we ain't got money,
I'm so in love with you, honey,
And everything will bring a chain of love.
And in the morning, when I rise,
You bring a tear of joy to my eyes
And tell me everything is gonna be alright.
Seems as though, a month ago, I was Beta-Chi,
Never got high.
Oh, I was a sorry guy.
And now, I smile and face the girl that shares my name.
Now I'm through with the game.
This boy will never be the same.
And even though we ain't got money,
I'm so in love with you, honey,
And everything will bring a chain of love.
And in the morning, when I rise,
You bring a tear of joy to my eyes
And tell me everything is gonna be alright.
Pisces, Virgo rising is a very good sign,
Strong and kind,
And the little boy is mine.
Now I see a family where the once was none.
Now we've just begun.
Yeah, we're gonna fly to the sun.
And even though we ain't got money,
I'm so in love with you, honey,
And everything will bring a chain of love.
And in the morning, when I rise,
You bring a tear of joy to my eyes
And tell me everything is gonna be alright.
Love the girl who holds the world in a paper cup.
Drink it up.
Love her and she'll bring you luck.
And if you find she helps your mind, better take her home.
Don't you live alone.
Try to earn what lovers own.
And even though we ain't got money,
I'm so in love with you, honey,
And everything will bring a chain of love.
And in the morning, when I rise,
You bring a tear of joy to my eyes
And tell me everything is gonna be alright.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FDcTyyXQb8

Yeah it made me cry a little bit. It also made me like Safeway a little bit more.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Motherhood


The junctures in my erratic life have caused me to think cognitive in regards to time both meaningful and steadfast. In a positive sense I have come to terms with my current state as a mother in that God has so intentionally placed me and my husband where we are for particular reasons. I am recently enlightened to a whole new landscape of beauty in most cases looking into the eyes of what I can only describe as the most astounding being on this earth. My son. It feels so deep to say it, as it is the only way I can describe it. Deep. I cannot take credit for this miraculous event, but only look to the One who created me as the One who created him. How am I so fortunate?
Feelings of familiarity or recurrence in regards to raising a child come and go faster than the days. I find myself continuously surprised and amazed at each new phase of Elliott's life, considering myself the luckiest mother in world. I wont say its always comfy including sleeping on the edge of sleep, but I always come back to the certainty that I am exactly where God wants me.
Being a mother not only grows someone as a person, but ignites an entire new perspective on what is valid in life and what is not.
Before being a mother I would hate myself for having a bowl of ice cream. Now I am happy to say that I enjoy a bowl of ice cream almost every night. Before being a mother I would change my clothes ten times just to make sure I looked exactly how I wanted. Now I throw whatever isn't dirty, or extremely dirty on, glance in the mirror and head on my way. Before I was a mother I aspired to be someone great, someone who made an impact in this world. Now I wake up knowing I have made an impact in the world. Before I was a mother the thought of a child getting hurt by someone would upset me to a nascious degree. Now the thought of anyone hurting my child or anyone else's causes me to so intently picture myself holding a shotgun to their heads and pulling the trigger. Before I was a mother I took time for granted. Now I cherish every second I get to spend with my precious little bugger. I love being mommy, holding Elliott's tiny hand in mine as I kiss him goodnight and look forward to seeing him again in the morning. What a blessed life I live, always wondering how I deserve such a special family to go through life with. To live everyday as it's the last.
Today Elliott, Grandma and I went to the pool for the first time in his infant life. I can't read his mind but I would conclude that he enjoyed it to the degree of tolerated in again. Being in the water made him a little nervous and he gave me insight into more of his personality as we bounced around and I may have dunked him a time or two. If I am reading him right I can tell he is going to be an avid people watcher, observing and thinking about the world around him. I love how he takes everything in, and it reminds me to look at life as thought I have never experienced it. Appreciating every new adventure and circumstance.
After swimming and tolerating mommy putting sunscreen on every inch of his body it was time for a nap. After rocking him to sleep I carefully layed him down on a towel in the grass at my side. Fifteen minutes into his solid sleep from a tiring day, I was admiring how deep he slept even with screaming kids just feet away. As I was looking at him I noticed something crawling on his face. An ant! Better get it! No! A spider! Shreaking in disgust I flicked it from his face before it could crawl up his tiny nostrils. Poor Elliott was left dismayed and awake from his mother flicking away at his face. It was a short nap. WHat a great day for his 5 month birthday.