Saturday, June 19, 2010
Picture: Little did we know
It's been awhile since I've blogged. I guess being pregnant makes you want to do nothing other than sit on your butt, eat, barf and sleep. That's right, we're having a little baby. It's about the size of a kumquat right now and looks pretty creepy. I'm just glad it doesn't come out that size. I wouldn't know what to do with such a tiny thing.
This all came as a surprise to us about 2 months ago, but we feel so blessed by God to be apart of bringing somebody into the world. I can't wait to see what it looks like.
I find myself digging into my heart lately trying to figure out my feelings, emotions, dreams, living situation, and after digging for awhile I realize I am only trying to dig through a huge cloud that I am floating on. This cloud is where all the pregnant women go when they find out they are pregnant. On this cloud consists crazy realistic dreams of having my baby coming out as a full grown toddler, or me trying to buy something at a store here in Germany and trying to speak German and all that comes out is glleeeebooooofarrrrrrleeedooooo. It also consists of emotional breakdowns wondering what my life is all about and why I have this overall feeling to do absolutely nothing. Slothfulness, all I want to do is sleep and going to the grocery store sounds worse than doing the laundry. I find myself wandering around the house doing one thing let's say wiping off the counter, finishing it 1/4 of the way, getting distracted and sitting down. Yesterday I was preparing to make dinner for Christoph at 6 o clock. I looked at my phone at when I thought it was 6 to call Christoph, and it was 7! When I realized I had miscalculated time by an entire hour I had to accept the fact that I am indeed one of the most stupid people on earth right now. I crave the strangest things and none of my cravings include vegetables. I'm putting important papers in the fridge, answering questions at German class that don't make sense whatsoever.
90% of the time I am floating around on this cloud to nowhere. But the interseting thing is the more I feel this way, the more I realize what a great cause it is. I can live through 6 more months of these feelings if that means I get a precious little baby in return. It's like God prepares you and makes you a little bit stronger before you need take care of another living creature. He also prepared me with taking care of Christoph. Anyways, I heard the worst part is almost over.
I am never around babies here, and I wish I was just so I could get a little practice. The other day we met up with some new friends who have a one year old. Unfortunately I asked..."How old is he?" she replied and said..."SHE is 1 year old." Luckily she is the type if person who doesn't get offended by something like that. We kept having the conversation like nothing happened and on the inside I was like 'Oh geeze, on a scale of one to ten how offended is she?" and my face turned bright red.
I will never get offended if someone thinks my baby is the opposite sex than what it is. I know how difficult it is to tell sometimes. But if it's like 5 and it's still happening then things might get nasty.
Well, I don't know if anyone even reads this anymore but I like writing, and I miss it terribly. I finally had the time after wiping off a couple counters to sit down once again and write.