The junctures in my erratic life have caused me to think cognitive in regards to time both meaningful and steadfast. In a positive sense I have come to terms with my current state as a mother in that God has so intentionally placed me and my husband where we are for particular reasons. I am recently enlightened to a whole new landscape of beauty in most cases looking into the eyes of what I can only describe as the most astounding being on this earth. My son. It feels so deep to say it, as it is the only way I can describe it. Deep. I cannot take credit for this miraculous event, but only look to the One who created me as the One who created him. How am I so fortunate?
Feelings of familiarity or recurrence in regards to raising a child come and go faster than the days. I find myself continuously surprised and amazed at each new phase of Elliott's life, considering myself the luckiest mother in world. I wont say its always comfy including sleeping on the edge of sleep, but I always come back to the certainty that I am exactly where God wants me.
Being a mother not only grows someone as a person, but ignites an entire new perspective on what is valid in life and what is not.
Before being a mother I would hate myself for having a bowl of ice cream. Now I am happy to say that I enjoy a bowl of ice cream almost every night. Before being a mother I would change my clothes ten times just to make sure I looked exactly how I wanted. Now I throw whatever isn't dirty, or extremely dirty on, glance in the mirror and head on my way. Before I was a mother I aspired to be someone great, someone who made an impact in this world. Now I wake up knowing I have made an impact in the world. Before I was a mother the thought of a child getting hurt by someone would upset me to a nascious degree. Now the thought of anyone hurting my child or anyone else's causes me to so intently picture myself holding a shotgun to their heads and pulling the trigger. Before I was a mother I took time for granted. Now I cherish every second I get to spend with my precious little bugger. I love being mommy, holding Elliott's tiny hand in mine as I kiss him goodnight and look forward to seeing him again in the morning. What a blessed life I live, always wondering how I deserve such a special family to go through life with. To live everyday as it's the last.
Today Elliott, Grandma and I went to the pool for the first time in his infant life. I can't read his mind but I would conclude that he enjoyed it to the degree of tolerated in again. Being in the water made him a little nervous and he gave me insight into more of his personality as we bounced around and I may have dunked him a time or two. If I am reading him right I can tell he is going to be an avid people watcher, observing and thinking about the world around him. I love how he takes everything in, and it reminds me to look at life as thought I have never experienced it. Appreciating every new adventure and circumstance.
After swimming and tolerating mommy putting sunscreen on every inch of his body it was time for a nap. After rocking him to sleep I carefully layed him down on a towel in the grass at my side. Fifteen minutes into his solid sleep from a tiring day, I was admiring how deep he slept even with screaming kids just feet away. As I was looking at him I noticed something crawling on his face. An ant! Better get it! No! A spider! Shreaking in disgust I flicked it from his face before it could crawl up his tiny nostrils. Poor Elliott was left dismayed and awake from his mother flicking away at his face. It was a short nap. WHat a great day for his 5 month birthday.