The Common Wedgie

Wedgies, have been a particularly special part of my life. When I was young, it was my older brothers more pestilent choice in provoking my sister and I to never want to wear underwear for fear of our daily wedgie.
We three were on most occasions a team, but when it came to showing our love, we were always experimenting on how annoying we had to be to make the other siblings go nuts. I remembered a few occasions walking down memory lane, feeling a bit nostalgic as my in-laws and I were discussing what the German word for "wedgie" was.

I believe that God made us all special and unique in our own way. Although, it is quite possible that God made my brother a little bit more unique than the rest of us. He always came up with, what he though were brilliant ideas, of how to antagonize his sisters, leaving us both baffled at the fact he so cleverly convinced us he was in the right.
My dog Abby, was at the time my best friend during my awkward and lonely days of being a home schooled elementary student. She could do me no wrong, and as far as I was concerned, she held my heart in her paws. My brother knew my loving affection for my dog Abby, and of coarse used it against me in any which way he could. I remember numerous times being pinned up against the wall, starring into the hands of my brother holding a wet and tightly wrung kitchen towel, after the dishes were wiped dry, and put away. I would try to escape, but his craftiness proved otherwise. There I was, holding my precious Abby in my arms, while my brother awaited his opportunity. Thoughtfully, he would first ask who it was that wanted the actual whipping. "Do you want Abby to get it tonight, or is it gonna be you, sister? Make a wise decision." Looking back I am amazed at the pure satisfaction I would get upon pleasing my brother. If he was happy, then everyone was. I didn't hesitate to answer in a whimpering frown, "I'll get the whipping brother." He would never hurt me past a dull welt, and all of his fun was kept within bordered realms of normal brotherly love. In fact, I am grateful for those fond memories. It certainly gives me something to talk about when a story is needed. One other noteworthy event involved me holding a thick magazine against a wall with my head, until my mother came home from the grocery store. It usually lasted a good hour, and if I let fall, that meant me having to tell my mother what I did wrong that day. Throwing something heavy, like a paper weight, at my brothers head would normally be what I had to admit to.

Just to let you know my brother is a wonderful person, and only teased us because we were his sisters. He is in fact one of the most amazing people I have ever met. I love you brother.

My in-laws and I continued laughing at what had just happened, vacationing in the beautiful Colorado mountain range. They are all German of coarse, and it often makes for extremely funny conversations, especially when a translation is lost. It was one of my many strange questions of what a certain word meant that had caused this hysterical event. My curiosity had come upon the word wedgie. "What does that mean in German?" I has asked my brother in-law, Dave. He replied "Ars frisst hosen, which means, ass eats pants."

Now, as this is both hilarious and important information, what made it so funny was the way he said it. In his matter of fact German accent he couldn't understand what was so funny that caused the entire table, my family, to roar with laughter. I thought my dad was going to end up on the ground. Ass eats pants, not only gives you an amazing visual of the meaning of the word wedgie, it also sounds amazing and makes you want to tell the whole world what the literal translation of the word wedgie is in German.


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